Dealing with a not interested in sailing wife???

[Steve]

Wow, so many great responses, thanks. I don't know about that bra & underwear thing though TampaMac, that could put me permanently solo.

I think I may be in line with you Jeff, day trips will work, especially if it's to zip over to a restaurant for lobster.

Jedaro, it sounds like your wife is "into it" a little more than mine, who knows, maybe someday mine will be too?

Macsailor, those are some good points too. I may have to have one vacation for me & the mac, and one later in the season, or fall, for Carol and I.

Again, thanks for the advice everyone. If anyone else has any ideas I would be appreciative.

Steve

[mark,97x]

Steve: try enrolling both of you in a good sailing school ,and tell her going in that she is not expected to take the final test,then in the mornings and nites treat her real well at breakfast and dinner,and take her out to enjoy the area around the water front to see what it is like ,,,i had my wife join me in those cheesy 2 hr classes on weekends and she was ready to leave sailing ,,then i signed us both up for a course at one of those extended courses at a beach location and she got to enjoy sailing ,just dont pressure her into passing the test or knowing all about everythig the instructor teaches ,,let it be fun,,,that helped mine to enjoy it some better ,at least now i dont have to sail perfectly level with no heel,,,good luck,oh as stated let her hang them curtains and pic and girly stuff in the boat and if need be scrap the alcohol stove for a propane or butane the has self ignition, seems some dont like using matches anymore

[Mark Prouty]

My wife is kinda hard to read. I can't get her out except for an afternoon or two in the summer. I like to motor fast and sail with good winds. Both of them scare the bahijas out of her.

The last time I took her out, the throttle control broke through the underlying fiberglass cause the lousy installer didn't but in a backing plate like I requested. I couldn't but the boat in referse!

Wife gotta little upset. Yikes. No referse!! What we gonna do.


My 14 year old son really likes the boat and I go with him often but things change fast at his age.

Bill at Boats for Sale gave me some good pointers for sailing solo which I'll try this summer.

[kmclemore]

I agree with most of the other posters... steady and sure goes the race, and remember to listen to her a LOT more than you talk to her, and make sure she know's she's heard (see cartoon above). If she doesn't feel like you heard her, you might face this:



And my only other comment on the subject of dealing with women vs men:

[Randy Smith]

My first wife didn't like the boat. It was one of the many issues which surfaced after we bought it. Shortly after, I lived on the boat for some time. Still have the boat, missed her for a while.(Country song here)

Second wife. She likes the boat. Short trips are the key. I didn't take her out all the time. Time at the dock doing simple things(cards, drinks, lunch, naps, music, movies) help to build confidence. Also, I will play all day, then she'll come down for a dinner I prepared.....sometimes she'll stay, sometimes I send her home( The more I stay, the more she wonders what the fascination is...) I will often go to the boat before her, prep it, get the cursing and sweating out of the way, and when she arrives, I have a cool one ready and am relaxed. She loves the boat to be ready, the Princess that she is.....she enjoys arriving at departure.......
I have learned that the wife isn't always wanting to go with me. I like to enjoy the boat with her, but if she has other things to do, I understand. Over the years, I have gently introduced the joys of having a Mac.....it has taken some time, yet now, I see her often with the dog on her lap, Martini in hand, sheets in the other, beaming as we heel......hang in there, don't push her, show her how much you enjoy the boat and she will come around....never ever scare the admiral....be smart and careful and be nice.
Too many of us puffed up captains aren't very nice as we panic, I have ruined a few trips by not explaining what line does what, before I yelled. Get it? Best of luck and enjoy the boat.........and again, she will too.

[Steve]

Thanks again, good advice. That cartoon was great, as was the lion shot.

Having everything ready for her at the docks is a must, typically she just sits back and watches me do everything, which is fine. Occassionaly I'll have her help me with something minor.

On occassion I have snapped an order at her and I know that's bad. If things get too rough sometimes I'll just ask her to go below deck so I can run around on the deck and cockpit w/o running over her.

Steve

[mike]

LOL... reminds me of something that happened on our above mentioned most recent trip. Trying to leave a cove with 25 - 30 knot winds blowing us all over, and fairly heavy seas knocking us around, I had pretty much resolved that I would have to cut the anchor rode, mark the spot on the GPS, and perhaps try to get the anchor (if it was even still there) when we were back out that way during the summer. My wife insisted on giving it one good try. The plan was to have her at the helm and me at the bow trying to get the anchor unset... she would motor slowly towards the anchor as I pulled in the line, and I would call back directions to her since she couldn't see the rode very well from back there.

Struggling with the rode (which was to the chain at this point), we would veer off to one side, and I would shout back to her which way to turn to get back towards the anchor.

At one point, I turned towards her and shouted, "right... right... right... RIGHT... RIGHT!!!... RIGHT!!!!!!," all the while the boat was getting further and further away from the anchor, and the chain inflicting pain as it slipped through my gloved hands.

"I am turning right," was her calm reply.

"Uhhhhh... LEFT!!!!!!!" I shouted as I realized my obvious and silly mistake.

She forgave me.

--Mike

[kmclemore]

...On occassion I have snapped an order at her and I know that's bad...

Umm.. yes. That kinda gets remembered for bl**dy ages. And it's difficult to erase that memory once installed, but I've found that suitable new jewelery and/or shoes, bag & matching posh frock, in conjuntion with lots of wine (note: not whine) and dinner at a REALLY nice restaurant sometimes helps.

Sometimes.

[waternwaves]

Steve....
FWIW,
A few observations over 34 years of sailing and flying...

I have no idea if the following applies to any particular individual
But the reasons why not to generally deal with the following

SPAAACES is my acronym for sharing pretty much any activity with a spouse.
Space
Preparations
Amenities
Attractions
Activities
Comfort
Environment. -
Sacrifice

Safety- Can she swim....or is she unsure of her skills or nervous in deep water, gets cold easy....etc. Amazing number of people are not good or strong swimmers and chill easily, and fear the deep. Also many get cold with the constant marine exposure, make sure the wardrobe is up to it.
Preparations.. -There is a lot of detail work in getting a boat ready for some people to feel ready to go onboard...shopping, packing, placement, organization, transport etc. most of us do not do all of the prep for others.
Amenities.....Few partners really enjoy spending time away from showers/hot water/microwaves/blowdryers, etc especially when around the Monetarrazzi of the most harbors and yachts.
Attractions..... .. not everyone enjoys the sail handling, noise of the outboard, fine balance and tiny incremental enjoyments of trimming the boat better. Some like shopping, fine dining, nice walks on the beach or boardwalk, a merlot by candlelight ( OK I like that one toolol) I suggest a trip filled with these items to rectify concerns. I also suggest an extremely quiet E-tec or Suzi or Honda engine to mellow out the ubiquitous motoring segments. This noise really bothers some people.
Activities ...... This one is tough. But mixing in her other hobbies.. and making the time for them, (yes and taking some time from the sailing) is mandatory for the long run. Need to keep the focus on together as much as apart. Make sure that if she likes to have her time alone.you are off and mending/tending/bending and spending on the boat.
Comfort . Smooth passages cannot be overstated.even if it is hopping from marina to marina with no blue water..and the merest of breezestake the smooth course, light winds.simple waters.. (Out here on Puget sound) that generally means introducing a newbie to sailing in the middle of July till the first week September when there is almost no wind..
Environment . This consists of people places and ourselves. What kind of people does she like to hang with, fine arts, performers, travelers.etc..
if she likes the arts..stop in those marinas/towns known for their creativity and productions., IF she likes to hang with you, dont crowd her with the bustle of a busy port, If she likes traveling, visit some of the larger ports and marina restaurants in your area to listen to the revelry from far corners If she doesnt care for families and kidshit the downtown marinas and clubs..
Sacrifice . I hate to admit thisbut it works.trade something else you like for the time shared with her. Give up something else for a while that she does not care forand fill the time with shared activities.. alternately.briber her with the exotic present she wants as a trade.

Last but not least this is one that few women will admit to..lol but has bee told to me by many wives/gfs and significant others over the years. Most people are not going to share the significant interest you have in boats, at least not to the same degree. Dont spend your time commenting on every other boat in the marina, dont go look at upgrades, Dont cruise every finger pier looking at boats. If she brings a point up, fine, Otherwise, act like you are totally satisfied with what you have. ( I mean really, woudl you want to ride in a car with someone, that commented on every better car the drove by on a one wek trip??) Tend to keep the focus on the shared ideas..and after a whileit becomes self fulfilling prophecy. And we are much more enjoyable to be around when we are happy.


And all bets are off is she is your basic Rock climbing, parachuting, hang gliding, pilot, biker babe who can build her own home and drop the trees to make the lumber, who also owns half a brewery, a stable full of friesien horses, and maintains more foreign sports cars than boats....

In that case.....grab a couple of gallons of fiberglass resin/hardener, a good shipwright, and find a 250 hp 4 stroke, and about another $40,000 to put it all together and have fun!!!!

(Does she have a sister??)

[Catigale]

Good captains never yell, even stay cool when its

"brace for impact"

On the Hudson last weekend my new Bull was dug into the mud and Barbara took the helm while I reeled in the rode.

We have hand signals we use in case we cant hear each other, I was using both hand and voice for practice.

Steve - "Forward idle"
Steve - Right
Steve - Right
Steve - RIGHT!

Barbara - Just a minute sweetie - Im still unlashing the wheel you lashed up........

Steve - er...Neutral please....

[Mark Prouty]

To get her more accustomed to sailing, you might want to try some of these:

Have her sleep on the shelf in your closet.
Replace the closet door with a curtain.
Four hours after you go to sleep, whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in her eyes, and mumble, "Your watch!".
Put a wall across the middle of you bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level.
When taking showers, shut off the water while soaping.
Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.
If your basement floods, during a sudden thaw, go down and start bailing.
Bring inside some type of gas motor (lawn mower, garden tiller, etc.), start, and leave running while trying to listen to favorite CD, or having an in depth conversation.
If the wind outside is howling, race around the house to make sure all windows and doors are secure (at night, everyone takes a turn on 'watch').
Place all non edible garbage in small plastic bags, and store in other half of tub (edible garbage to be thrown out the window).
Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Cold canned ravioli or soup, is optional.
Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in the pantry, fridge, or freezer.
Once a month, pick a major appliance, take it completely apart, and put it back together.
Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot, and allow it to sit for 5 to 6 hours before drinking.
Put a fluorescent light under the coffee table, and lay there to read a book.
Every so often, throw the cat in the tub (hot tub, large sink, etc.) and shout, "Man overboard!".
Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots, pans and dishes off of the counter onto the floor, then yell at the mate for not having the place "stowed for sea".

[waternwaves]

Damn Mark, PRIMO !!!!!!!!!!


I am still laughing 20 minutes later.....lol...ya hafta give permission for me to resend that to friends.....(with proper credit of course)

your best comment in weeks....... such insight.....lol

heheheheheheheheh

[Mark Prouty]

I just embelished what someone had already written.

[Catigale]

At least we spared Steve from:

I dont get your post man...she overnights with us all the time




oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh

[Tom Spohn]

I just can't resist this one My Admiral really likes sailing with me, but I find she enjoys it for somewhat different reasons than I do. I really like Waternwaves list above and would add to it that the first step is to really understand what the Admiral really likes in life. In my case she is very interested in ecology and sea life (She is studying to be a beach naturalist) so our boat is filled with guides so we can identify every critter we see. I usually try to steer closer to the sea lion, or grebe,or what ever if I see she is interested. Even better, when some sea life is spotted, she takes the wheel.

Another thing that helped was to invite another couple along that she really likes. Now she is the hostess and is involved in making the visit and the journey fun. She can even be heard telling our guests how the sailboat operates

A few pieces of nautical jewelry helped also. Not so much as a bribe, as she already has plenty of jewelry, but all her friends want to know where she got the nice sailboat earrings, or the crab pendant, etc.

Oh yes, before I forget, she has climbed Mt. Rainier three times along with many of the other peaks in the Northwest, but didn't get into any outdoor enterprise until she felt safe and in control and a bit intrigued.

It may sound strange, but don't call it sailing. When Jean learned to climb we were on a "Photo Expedition" to see the sunset at 10,000 ft. on Rainier. The next day we went up to 11,700 ft. to see the crevasses of the Ingraham Ice Fall and photograph them. As we were fiddling with the cameras she looked around and, as a tear formed, said "This is so beautiful I will just have to climb this someday." I know if I started off by asking her if she would climb Rainier with me it would never have happened, but once she saw the beauty of it and realized she could do it, she was hooked.